Soundtrack 2014 - I (Q1)

It's been a good ride. I mean... no great heights, no great lows, a peaceful, somewhat eventful first quarter. There have been good things, really good things. But i don't know why... well, actually, i do know why, it feels a bit subdued. I was just talking to Pon a while ago about the background noise, and hell, even the Universe has its own background noise. It actually allows us to calculate what (the hell) happened to it a zillion years ago. So, here is my 2014 - Q1 background noise.

(I wanna write something along the lines of "enjoy" but it feels a bit off.)

1) Flutes - Hot Chip

My birthday. Best birthday of my life hands down, no-nonsense, simply and utterly awesome. My people, old friends, new friends, good friends. Pisco, ginger ale and a sociopath kión. Choclito con queso, falling in and out of love with Medicine and a perfect birthday kiss. Life's good when i make it so. Welcome back to the #feelgoodinc.




2) The Call - Backstreet Boys

Old! Yes, B, B. So many groups start with the letter B. You know there's a button for it to be random, right? How come it always comes back to B? Dunno. I like it though. I even sing along, no shame involved.




3) Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix

You know when you like someone, and the way they make you feel? It doesn't just happen as an egocentric phenomenon. I like someone, and the way it makes my friend feel; i like the way she's so happy and so in love; i love the way serendipity works. Yeah, sometimes i get a little envious of it not working for me, and a very big culprit is Facebook pics, but hey. She loves him, and he loves her. And i damn like it that way.




4) Winter Winds - Mumford & Sons

And my head told my heart, let love grow. But my heart told my head, this time no. You know, we all know people come, and people go. But i'm pretty sure Uriel, looking down upon all of us, realizes much more than we do that our paths are the least alike to a straight line. We meet, we get lost, we fall into despair only to find each other a while afterwards. It's not easy, and by God it is not quick. But it happens. Or not.




5) Llorarás - Óscar de León

I don't need a reason, and i will give none.




6) Can't find my way home - Blind Faith

She left. It was for a good thing and we were both in the same journey, but she left and that left a void. No more clever coffees while reading path/ trying to figure out what formula had been written in RED. I mean, she's my friend, and i miss her. That's all there is to say.




7) Rival Healer - Burial

New Music, yes, please. It had been a long time since i had just put on a playlist and walked my way along el Malecón. It had been way too long since i just pressed "repeat" and kept on walking.




8)  Nevereverdid - Architecture in Helsinki

9) Feeling Good - Nina Simone

"Sal, God has arrived", said Dean Moriarty. It was 1949 and the place didn't matter, nor the time, or the drinks. What mattered was the way they blew, and the blew well. They felt it, they chased it, got it, lost it, and they had the nerve to chase it again. It was jazz, it was good, it was all that was needed. It was God. And, for me that week, She was in Punta Sal.




10) Let it go - Idina Mendel

I do have a sister. But it's not the same, you know? Twenty-two years is a long time to know someone, and ten is hell of a long time to wait. It's the whole story, the whole truth, the whole... whole. Carmen never gave up on me, and deep down i know i never gave up on her. We just had to let it go. Live it out. Eventually each one found the path that led us back home.




11) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon

You know that i could use somebody. Someone like you, with all you know and how you speak.

12) Paris, Texas - Ry Cooder

It was a Thursday, at night. We were lying on the grass watching the movie play against the white ecran, beneath the stars. It was slow, it was poetic, and it didn't need to be much else than that.



13) Young men dead - The Black Angels

True detective. HBO improves my quality of life. It's so raw, so real, filled with sweat and blood and tears, dressed with life and death. Human.

14) Quand tu m'aimes - Charles Aznavour

Let's indulge in some movie-watching, shall we? I mean... i still do like movies. Yes, i know that there's still a big chunk of music that's on my (metaphorical) iPod that was downloaded because i wanted to impress someone and i ended up liking it, but there is an even bigger chunk that i downloaded because i liked it and i didn't need to impress anyone. There's a whole, whole lot of me that's not because i met anybody else but me. And i like this song, and i like Charade. You know what else? I downloaded Shoot the Piano Player, and i'm gonna watch it. Today.

Cicatrices

La primera vez que me enamoré tenía 14 años, y Tribilín 13. Nunca llegamos a besarnos, y cuando se dio cuenta de mis intenciones dejó de hablarme. Yo hice el ridículo y me metí en problemas. Pero bueno, tenía 14 años y estaba enamorada.

Era su pelo negro como el mío, su piel blanca como la leche. Sus ojos grandes, marrones, enmarcados por pestañas largas y oscuras, sus cejas fuertes, sus labios rosa. Pero lo más hermoso era, siempre había sido su cicatriz. Una cicatriz grande al lado derecho de la boca, el recuerdo que le había dejado la mordida de un perro a los dos años.

Yo ya había perdido mi sonrisa, y todavía no la había recuperado cuando Tribilín empezó a gustarme. Al comienzo no le había hecho mucho caso (era menor que yo, después de todo), y si bien habíamos tenido una época muy bacán un par de años antes cuando me enseñó a jugar basket, después de mi accidente el correr dribleando una pelota no estaba en mi lista de prioridades, ni siquiera de posibilidades.

Realmente no sé cuándo, ni cómo empezó. Pero recuerdo horas pensando en su cara y cómo movía sus hombros a la hora de jugar; el rebote lento de la pelota, el sudor encima de su labio superior. Recuerdo cómo cuando me pasaba algo bacán lo primero que hacía era pensar que sería aún mejor si estuviera conmigo. Cómo sentía, literalmente sentía en mi corazón.

Lo que yo vivía en esa época era en muchos sentidos una guerra, y no quería terminarla sin mi medalla al valor. Pero es difícil tener una medalla permanentemente puesta. Sí, puedo estar muy orgullosa de mi desempeño, pero la verdad en ese momento hubiera preferido mil veces no estar en el campo de batalla. ¡Carajo, era difícil! ¡Todos los días! Cada bocado que comía, cada vez que sonreía, cada par de ojos que bajaban para no verme la cara, dolía. Dolía, en serio dolía, ¿pero qué podía hacer yo? En serio. Echarme a llorar por mi suerte no era una opción, simplemente no lo era. Tenía que seguir luchando.

Eventualmente llegó el día en que recuperé mi sonrisa. Llegó también el día en que Tribilín vino a mi casa, y una semana después empezó mi larguísima epopeya alemana de 7 años y un poquito más. Viví, sufrí, bailé, viajé, canté, caminé, y hasta un par de veces me enamoré. Sin embargo pasaron años, muchos, muchos años para que volviese a sentirme como me había sentido con Tribilín; para que volviese a sentir esa inyección de adrenalina, esa inconfundible evidencia. Terror híbrido con alegría derramándose en mi pecho. 

Pero esa es otra historia.